By Lyndon Zerna
Denver personal life coaching is an excellent way to accelerate your progress in different areas. You will be able to lessen your learning curve and also develop the skills for releasing every hindering factor to your progress. The professional you engage will listen to your objectives and worries and will help you to develop action plans to accomplish and overcome them.
This experience will assist you to have an in-depth understanding of yourself. Letting go of the things that have been restraining you will be easier when you know your exact preferences. Other people will no longer be blamed for your faults once you know how to be extra accountable for your choices.
You can be assisted by a personal life coach in many ways. Besides the usual weight loss or relationship goals, you may also desire to learn how to overcome anger or love yourself. However, when these sessions begin, you may discover additional areas where you will want to see some improvement.
With the set of tools that is provided for you, you will be on top of your circumstances at all times. A reliable coach won't want you to permanently rely on these sessions. Challenges that may occur in the future will be handled with confidence if the coaching is performed correctly.
Furthermore, you will receive training on how to personally solve any issue that is a bother to you. Every individual has this ability but it isn't always properly developed. You will be well trained on how to recognize your inner voice and thus be able to identify your exact desires.
A personal coach can provide the assistance that you need to be more successful in different areas of your life. Regardless of the nature of your requirements, the guidance that can help you to take the right action can be made available. You can develop the capability to explore your alternatives properly so that your potential will be maximized.
About the Author:
Find an overview of the reasons why you should hire a Denver personal life coaching professional and more information about an experienced life coach at http://www.TheSecretToLifeCoaching.com now.
As a no fault divorce state, California has enacted laws governing divorce that have helped promote the settlement of cases and reduced court appearances and litigation costs. This includes stipulating that both parties in a divorce file at least one, but usually two, Declarations of Disclosure. The Declaration of Disclosure mandates both parties disclose all property they each hold, including their income and expenses for the previous 12 months by an agreed-upon deadline. Until both parties disclose to the other all their assets and liabilities, the court will withhold deciding on the case. In addition, if someone intentionally excludes an asset, the court can decide how to distribute that asset and oftentimes gives the entire asset to the other party.
Whittier, CA (PRWEB) July 24, 2008
Deliberately hiding assets like lottery winnings from your spouse during a California divorce will cost you, according to California family law attorney Dennis Schuster, founder of Schuster Family Law.
"When you get a divorce in California, one of the things you have to do is to file a Declaration of Disclosure," said Schuster. "This document discloses all of the property you own and all of the income and expenses you've had for the past 12 months. If the court finds that you've deliberately failed to disclose an asset, the court can award the entire asset to your ex.
"I personally know of a case where a woman won 1.3 million in the lottery and deliberately failed to report it during her divorce. After the divorce was final, the husband found out about the lottery win and went to the court. The court awarded the entire 1.3 million to this woman's ex. If she had disclosed it in the Declaration of Disclosure during the divorce, she probably could have kept half of it. Instead she got nothing."
About Schuster Family Law:
Schuster Family Law is a California family law firm that does estate planning and handles divorce and adoption cases. Schuster is also developing a unique niche in representing parents whose children need special education. For more information, visit: www. schusterfamilylaw. com
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"The Background:"
Born and raised in rural Gilchrist County, Fla., Easton spent much of his time on his grandparents' cattle farm after his parents divorced when he was young. A member of FFA and 4-H, Easton showed cattle at the local livestock fair. While no one in his family played a musical instrument, music was a big part of his upbringing. "My grandparents liked to watch the Opry," Easton remembers. "We'd start Saturday night off with `Hee Haw' and then `Opry Backstage' and then `Opry Live'." When Easton was 15 years old he began taking guitar lessons; every day when he got home from school, Easton would practice guitar for hours, sometimes until his fingers were raw, then help his grandfather around the farm. Like his heroes Strait and Whitley, Easton is unapologetically country. His songs, while rooted in the present, call to mind simpler times when the back porch was where folks gathered to network. His first single, "A Little More Country Than That," paints a picture of rural life that speaks to Easton's small town sensibilities. "This song identifies who I am," he says. "It shows character and that's important where I'm from. You learn to say `yes, ma'am' and `no, sir,' and to open the door for the ladies."
"The Review:"
For those that lament the fact that there are no acts like George Strait coming up the ranks of country radio, you can find some solace in newcomer Easton Corbin. In fact, the sounds of their voices are uncannily (and almost eerily) similar. Really similar. In this era of modern pop-flavored country, a neo-traditional freshman effort like this one sticks out like a sore thumb- or at least a green one. That's only because this album is really good for the music environment. There's nothing overly complicated or sexy about "Easton Corbin". There's no wicked guitar riffs, no soaring vocal gymnastics and nothing that even comes close to representing pop music. What it is, however is an outstandingly consistent eleven songs that lean on traditional country themes of love, country living and love lost. "The Way Love Looks" is cute for the way his girl pleads to go fishing yet makes you bait the hook and "Someday When I'm Old" fast-forwards 40 years from now to look back on the olden days of today. "Let Alone You" takes off from a beautiful melody and builds up to a big chorus- making it radio-friendly without ever being anything but traditional. If George Strait is known as King George, lets coronate Corbin as Prince Easton- heir to the throne.
"Sounds Like:"
George Strait
"Track Highlights (suggested iPod adds):"
A Little More Country Than That
The Way Loves Looks
Someday When I'm Old
A Lot To Learn About Livin'
Let Alone You
"The Verdict:"
Four Stars Out Of Five
Source: quickpua.blogspot.com
By Moss David Posner The American Chronicle
(picture of Alfred Korsybski)
"...They took over the Pavlovian experiments on animals and extended them to people. They did so with the objective of changing human nature and creating a "new Soviet man." People, they anticipated, would react voluntarily under Pavlovian pressures, in the way the dog does, to Communist orders, exactly as ants do in their collectivized society.
MR. ARENS: What were the results of their application of these techniques to people?
MR. HUNTER: We have been witnessing the results without knowing how they came about for 30 years and more. We saw the first results in the Moscow trials, when the Old Bolsheviks, who had dedicated their lives to Communist ideology and had successfully captured the Russian Revolution away from the democratic elements, appeared in open court and beat their breast and pleaded for execution as traitors to the Bolshevism they had set up. We heard confessions that came from the mouths of these people, but which no sense to us because they fit into no logical framework that we could as true. We saw such developments go on, not only with a small group of people picked for trial, but in a curiously similar fashion with large parts of the population in Communist areas, in their schools and in their villages. We saw the fine brain of Cardinal Mindszenty cracked in open court, and heard him brand himself everything we all knew the cardinal was not."
(Excerpt from HUAC investigation, 85th Congress)
Now that I've got your attention....
We are controlled everyday, in every way, continuously, and without any recognition of what is taking place. Much of this is deliberate, and is in part by explicit intention; another part is without the awareness of either controller or "controlee."
I first started thinking about this subject in 1967, when I can across a remarkable book, "Man the Manipulator" by Everett L. Shostrom. [i] In it, the author discusses the subject of manipulation by advertisers, and for the first time as far as I know. While this was recognized in a general sense, as it applied to advertising, it was not generally known-or taught-that there existed a vast science of behavior modification and manipulation, which has been continued and perfected over the last half a century.
After the Korean War, and after brainwashing by the Chinese and North Koreans during the Korean War years[ii] became common knowledge, the general idea of mind manipulation came into the public awareness; but this was considered a world apart and away from Madison Avenue. Unfortunately, these are not as far apart as one might think.
As I have discussed in previous article, there exists a well-documented history of the creation and use of such manipulation. These methods of control, which could be considered abusive and intrusive, are unfortunately well documented; and I can think of no better single source than "The Search for the Manchurian Candidate" by John Marks. In particular, the appearance of Cardinal Josef Mindszenty, who publicly confessed crimes that clearly he did not commit, was the first public demonstration of such a state.
As I described in my previous article, there is a long, deliberate history of such experimentation, starting in the U.S. and in Canada, at virtually every major known American university. They were exported to Nazi Germany, where they were continued under the cover of war but financed generously and independently, and subsequently returned to this country to be continued as MKULTRA, Operation Paperclip, and others. Joost Meerloo a doctor, who was on both sides of the interrogation process, gives one of the more graphic descriptions, and describes this is unnerving detail in "The Rape of the Mind." I strongly advise anyone who know that they may be triggered by such graphic descriptions to be aware before reading.
Lest anyone think that that's "all in the past," think again: As recently as 1995, experimentation in 1991 at Vacaville State Prison in California was documented in a series of articles by Harry Martin and David Caul, in The "Napa Sentinel."
The apocryphal document on the subject is the notorious "Greenbaum Speech," another landmark document, originally entitled "Hypnosis in MPD" (Multiple Personality Disorder) and written by Dr. D. Corydon Hammond. For anyone wishing to read this, I strongly urge him or her to be aware that it is virtually assured that this can and will trigger any previously implanted material.
Finally, Carole Smith, a respected Psychoanalyst, has attempted to draw together in a responsible way the history of mental experimentation with its attendant production of mental disorders, with the need for classification as found in the DSM (Diagnostic Statistical and Disease Manual for mental disorders) in "On the Need for New Criteria of Diagnosis of Psychosis in the Light of Mind Invasive Technology." The fact that such technology exists is now beyond any reasonable doubt.
The use of less physically intrusive yet very influential methods has been codified in the field of Neuro linguistic Programming (NLP:)
This was developed about 1973 by Richard Bandler and Dr. Robert Grinder. Although Bandler is the most known expositor and advocate, he remains quite controversial; yet his influence is beyond question. Robert Grinder is a Professor of linguistics. Bandler got the idea from the work of the highly respected Psychoanalyst and master hypnotist, Dr. Milton Erickson.
We all have heard or have seen people hypnotized by a stage hypnotist. Most hypnotists will tell you that it is not possible to hypnotize people against their will; yet they all know this is a barefaced lie. Should you doubt this, ask yourself one simple question: Do you seriously think that any of those hypnotized subjects would do-or could do-the things that they do in a non-hypnotized, waking state?
The most important idea that has evolved, any controversy regarding ethics or efficacy notwithstanding, is the recognition of the very power and subtlety of words and gestures, used in explicit and learned fashion, so as to influence the thoughts and actions of others, and to do so by design, without the explicit permission of the subject or subjects. It is no longer necessary-nor even practicable--to induce a "formal" hypnotic trance state to achieve the desired effects, nor is it necessary to resort to the historically harsher.
What is crucial for most of us to understand is that, absent any personal and grotesque experiences with mind control or formal programming, the power of "trance" used in a generic sense, is omnipresent. Dr. Adam Crabtree has written "Trance Zero--The Psychology of Maximum Experience." It describes the power of trance to influence individuals, groups, and even nations.[iii]
How does one know if they have been so influenced or if others have been?
Ironically, the proof is often staring us in the face. Have you ever asked yourself-how on earth can he or she believe such-and-such a story? Sometimes we are not even sure if a speaker, or news commentator, or whoever-actually believes what they are saying. The truth of the matter, however, is often more subtle:
There are degrees of awareness; and in those cases where we know that what we are hearing is patently absurd or indefensible, that speaker may have started by knowing better; but over a period of time, by virtue of their motivation, known or unknown, they have come to be convinced otherwise.
Case in point: Nazi Germany. Or coming perhaps close to home, the gullibility of the American public in the face of the policies of George W. Bush.
To confound the picture further, even though we can actually be aware of the influences upon us and yet be virtually incapable of changing our behavior, even though we wish to do so.
Several years ago, a little-known book caught my eye, entitled "The Action Approach," by George Weinberg, PhD.[iv] In the introduction to the book, the author quotes William James, the great American Psychologist and writer who said, (and I paraphrase,) it is generally understood that thought can lead to action; but what is not generally recognized is that action can profoundly influence thought: We get "in the habit" of doing things in a certain way, and we unconsciously assume that that's the way things have to be.
This last point is crucial: We often wonder how on earth political leaders can continue to say the same, ridiculous things and the most inane rationalizations for what is occurring or is being done, when common sense dictates the contrary. What we fail to realize is that the speaker knows the simple truth at least as well as you or I know it; but what he also knows is that if he keeps repeating it over and over, in the fact of the fact that we do nothing to change it-either because we cannot or will not-the profound psychological effect is the same. Unconsciously, we will come to believe that the connection is inevitable. (Weinberg suggests exercises to reverse this process.)
Consider the song from "The King and I:"
"Whenever I feel afraid
I hold my head erect
And whistle a happy tune
So no one will suspect
--I'm afraid.
"
Later on, we hear:
"The result of this deception
Is very strange to tell
For when I fool the people I fear
I fool myself as well."
Please take this very seriously. Several years ago there was a bank robbery in Stockholm, Sweden. The customers were taken hostage and held for several days, clearly against their will. Days later when the authorities came subsequently to rescue the hostages, not only did they not welcome the police, but many of them actually threw themselves in front of the robbers in an attempt to shield them from being killed in a hail of bullets. This phenomenon is recognized as "The Stockholm Syndrome."
It was I believe the film "Bridge over the River Kwai," in which the leader of a British force captured by the Japanese is ordered to build a bridge. At first, with resistance, then with reluctance, he begins to build the bridge. By the time the Allied forces come to rescue him and his men, he was at the point of attacking his allies in order to defend his creation. In one dramatic moment, he looks squarely at the camera and says, with quiet horror, "My God! What have I done?"
On a wider scale, we see this behavior in the success of cults. On the other hand, cutting off a person from the outside world, constantly and repetitively indoctrinating them, and accompanying this with threats of social group disapproval on the one hand, and loving acceptance based upon obedience, on the other, can drastically change a person's behavior changed in a chillingly short period of time.
The aspect of the appeal to authority, in whatever form, is profound in its effect. Several years ago Stanley Milgram and his co-workers did an experiment to see the extent to which this appeal could actually override life long instilled moral values. Milgram was influenced by the apparent willingness of Adolph Eichman and others of the German people to participate in the depravity of the experiments conducted during the Second World War. He was horrified to discover how easily an appeal from an abstract authority figure could contradict a personal moral code.
Very well then, how do we rise above such influences, so as to be truly free and independent in thought and action?
The very first thing to do is to be aware of the issue. The purpose of this discussion is to give some background and basic awareness of the subject and the magnitude of the problem and its influence. The second step is to assume that we are unaware-that we are, in fact, under such an influence unknowingly. Operationally, this is a wise assumption.
Now here's the hard part: The medieval philosopher Spinoza said that, in order truly to discuss or debate an issue, you must first be able to state your opponent's viewpoint-to their satisfaction. So the next step is to seek out those who disagree with us, and in particular those who rankle us for precisely that reason. If you are a Liberal, seek out a Conservative; and if Conservative, find yourself a Liberal.
State your position to that person; and ask them to respond. Don't rebut what is said. Continue to revise your understanding of their point of view until they are satisfied with your final version of their point of view. This may-and usually does-require making some assumptions on your part, and for the purpose of discussion. Remember, your interest is truly selfish: you want to be right. So your task is to find the right, or winning position, as you understand it, to your satisfaction, and to no one else's satisfaction.
That field of knowledge that has to do with words and the origins of their meanings is known as "Semantics." Alfred Korzybski created the term and the initial body of knowledge so defined. Sessue Hayakawa, who later became a senator from California, popularized the field in his magnum opus "Language in Thought and Action." The book is informative and yet highly entertaining. I can think of no better way to start to become aware of language and of its subtle influences upon us than to read this book.
How do we become aware of the motives behind the words and actions of others-friends, relatives and political leaders? How do we not only become aware that others are attempting to influence us, but how do we know their agendas, hidden from us and often hidden from themselves? There are several techniques for accomplishing this. This will be the purpose of my next article.
...to be continued.
[i] Despite several new editions, which clearly show a demand for the book, not one person has written a review of the book on "Amazon.com," a fact which is distinctly counter-intuitive; however[i] Amazon picked up the book long after the first edition, which was in 1967.
[ii] See "The Manchurian Candidate" both the original film and the remake.
[iii] Crabtree unfortunately is "entranced" with his highly convoluted notions, which are the thrust of his book; however, he does touch upon the ability to influence groups and even civilizations; and the recognition of that fact in my view is the most significant part of his book.
[iv] The author speaks of what he calls the "Direct effect," the "indirect effect," and the "vantage point effect." There are enormous implications in this. If interested, please contact me.
With the ongoing debates and polls about who did or did not do better at both the Presidential and Vice Presidential Candidates' debates, TV has become so much fun because one cannot help but laugh and learn at the same time. The Candidates are doing great, however, their wives are doing greater.
The way and manner in which Michelle Obama and Ann Romney give interviews, make good speeches and talk with so much ease during these campaign period, one would think that these gorgeous wives could have been better candidates than their husbands.
I have a feeling that the women are so relaxed and well co -ordinated because the bulk of the pressure does not fall on their shoulders. They are supportive of their husbands. They put in time no doubt, but not comparable to what the men are going thru. The spotlight is directly on the men whether they enjoy it that much or not. Michelle's speech was the bomb. Anne's campaigning is also the bomb. She co-hosted beautifully on ABC's Good Morning America.
I would love to look at the Family Lives of these two beautiful women side by side.
MICHELLE OBAMA VS ANN ROMNEY
ANN ROMNEY:Ann Romney is about 15 years older than Michelle Obama. She has been a First Lady before, that was when her husband served as Governor of Massachusetts. Ann converted to Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints after she met her husband whose Family were already Mormons. Did you know that her Parents could not attend her wedding because they were not Mormons? Although they made it to the wedding breakfast.Her Mother and two brothers also converted to Mormonism but her father did not. Did you know that Ann Romney raised her five boys as a Stay -At-Home-Mom, while her husband worked? Her health, and taking care of her family prevented her from going on for a Master's Degree. This reminds me of a post I published some time ago, where I said that I do agree with the topic "Women Can't Have It All" A child is a great Responsibly, multiply that responsibility by the number of kids you have and see why some times friends who have no kids are likely to be more successful in their other endeavors. Their whole time and undivided attention is focused on Career while most of your time as a parent is given to your family. Children are a blessing that should be received with appreciation and love. Ann Romney gave all the early years of her marriage to taking care of her boys. I cannot say that she lost anything because if you succeed as a mother, then you are a great success story too.
Raising five boys is not a very easy thing to do. If you have just one boy at home, you know how energetic they can be. Two boys and your sitting room is a mess, with three, you are ready to work double. With four, five, you can imagine! She is a strong woman. Won the war against multiple sclerosis and is now living a healthy life free of the disease. The sixty three year old has been married for about 43 years.
MICHELLE OBAMA:We all do know that Michelle is the first African American First Lady of the United States Of America. She is a strong woman! A dedicated wife and caring mother to Malia and Sasha. Michelle is a woman who loves her family dearly. She is very supportive of her husband. As a wife, Michelle was concerned that politics and being the President of a great country like The United States Of America was going to change her husband. Right now she is very happy and proud of her dear husband because he is still The Barack Obama that creates time for his family no matter what.
Did you know that Michelle Obama was on the honor roll of Whitney Young High School for four times? She is a role model. She inspires a lot of women, especially black women. She is a fashion Icon. When I see her in her dresses, the 48 year old rocks it like a woman in her thirties. Michelle can do rounds on the skip rope like a 16 year old. She is a mother who spends time teaching the First Children that they are not going to live in the White House all their lives, and so should learn to do some chores themselves. I admire her for that. Although Michelle's Mother is with them at the white house, she still finds time to teach her girls important life lessons by herself.
Who do you think will debate better? Michelle Obama or Ann Romney?This article is (c) Copyright - All rights reserved www.wivestownhallconnection.com
NLP is an acronym for Neuro Linguist Programming. In the simplest form, NLP is a type of brain computer software that programs a person's way of thinking. An NLP practitioner research the methods a human thinks and attempt to clear all the phobias, dogmas and unwarranted beliefs that the person had hitherto been living with. The technique controls a person's neurological believed process.
NLP is a rich strategy. From enhancing household relationships to enhancing career, NLP can support a great deal! The programming style also aids men and women to recover from traumas, phobias and terminal illnesses. Ask folks who have benefited from NLP techniques and they will clarify better as to how effective the strategy is.
The credit of NLP goes to two wondrous minds- Richard Bandler and John Grinder. The two wonderful males came up with this exciting and strong approach way back in 1970s. Since then there has been a excellent alter in the way this explicit tool has been employed to plan behavioral patterns, communication, motivation and memory. The method has evolved into a significantly comprehendable and helpful a single. NLP hypnosis nevertheless remains to be a mysterious science for many. As a matter of fact, hypnosis came significantly before the actual NLP techniques. NLP hypnosis or hypnotherapy has been productive in keeping an even reputation ever since its inception. The synthesis of NLP and NLP hypnosis tends to make for an intriguing study. A person can grow to be an specialist in hypnosis with the help of neuro linguistic programming.
Mr. Richard and Mr. John developed a ground-breaking tool that consists of three core regions- Neurology, linguists and pc science. The duo also worked on a book "The Structure of Magic" which was published in 1975. Extremely quickly they began NLP courses to teach typical people on how to benefit from NLP. On the complete, NLP training seeks to supply a deep insight into the way a human operates. It assists to comprehend as to what effect does communication (each verbal and non verbal) has on the human mind. Essentially, the approach is an in-depth linguistic programming of a person's believed processes. It assists to extricate and replicate the behavioral patterns of an person. The method not only aids to model an additional person's thinking but also aids a person to win over self-limiting patterns. Greater known as "modeling excellence", neuro linguist programming (NLP) is a diagnostic method. It can not be understood theoretically. It can be understood experimentally only.
NLP is a booming enterprise today. The industry is teeming with NLP training practitioners, NLP coaching trainers, NLP courses and NLP master mentors. The high-finish positive aspects of the technique support to draw people towards this wondrous thoughts technique. Some institutes also provide totally free NLP online coaching. An interested particular person might hunt for such totally free NLP training applications to increase one's confidence and interaction abilities. There are several Los Angeles NLP online training programs that supply cost-free NLP tutorials. Cost-free NLP downloads and eBooks support a particular person to master the science of NLP without spending a fortune on otherwise expensive NLP courses.
Most people think that being an introvert signifies the state of being alone. Oftentimes, people think of an introvert as a shy type of person. But this is really not true. Actually, being shy does not really have anything to do with being an introvert. This is in view of the fact that shyness is usually influenced by the feeling of uneasiness, nervousness and worry. On the other hand, an introvert may also be shy to a certain extent. But it does not necessarily mean that being introvert and being shy are exactly the same. When we say an introvert, it refers to an individual who is enthusiastic by being alone and who tends to worry what people think of me.
If you are an introvert, then, most likely, you always ask yourself the question "why do I worry what people think of me." Do you know that the majority of the introverts in the world are more concerned with the inner state of the mind? The worry what people think of me situation only shows that introverts take pleasure in imagining, discovering their way of thinking and emotions. They frequently stay away from social state of affairs for the reason that their energy seems to get drained when they are being surrounded by people. This is really true despite the fact that they possess good social abilities. After being around some people for quite some time, like when they attended a party, introverts need some time on their own so as to revive their energy.
When you are in a "worry what people think of me" situation, it is just natural that you need some time to be alone. You might think that this is a sign of sadness or depression. But it's not. It is just a natural feeling that most introverts experience. Being alone means that you just want to revitalize in order to get your energy back after being around people. Being around people, even with those whom you love and you are at ease with, can hinder you from your need to be silently deep in thought and reflective. When you say introspective, this does not denote that being an introvert you do not have conversations with others. Of course, this is really not the case in most introverts. You also converse with others. But most of the conversations are usually concerning thoughts and insights.
There are several reasons why introverts tend to care on what others think of them. Come to think of it, when I worry what people think of me, I will only get frustrated and hurt. My precious time is also wasted. Based on the theory conceptualized by Carl Jung, the introverts are more concerned with their inner self. This only means that introverts are the type of person who is self-contemplative. They tend to think and discover their inner feelings and sentiments.
When your thinking is always focused on the notion of worry what people think of me, you will really not enjoy life. You should realize that what others think of you is not really important at all. Stop worrying about the perception of others about you. This way you will have the right outlook in life.
Origin: pickup-and-love.blogspot.com
"Don't ruin your first date by saying something bad"
First dates are always tough. The two of you are just getting to know each other and your nerves probably have you worried and excited. You want to make a good impression, but you also don't want to deal with completely changing yourself for someone who may not even like you. Some men go on first dates thinking that if a woman can't handle them the way they are, then that woman isn't worth their time. While that is an okay way to think, it may limit the type and the amount of women you date. If you really want to be able to impress any type of woman you take on a date, there are a few things you need to do to make sure that she doesn't leave never wanting to see you again.
WATCH WHAT YOU EAT
"Do not eat something that you are allergic to"
As much as we like to impress women, you have to keep in mind that there is definitely a thing as being too flashy. If you take her on a dinner date, stick to a restaurant that's in your price range. If you decide to take her to an expensive restaurant, let her know that you saved up for this date. She will be impressed that you cared enough to do so.
You may also want to consider taking her to a restaurant you've been to be before, or to at least order a meal with food that you are familiar with. There is nothing worse than going out to dinner with a beautiful woman only to find out that you have just eating something that you're allergic to, or something that completely turns your stomach upside down.
Do not order for her. You may have seen it get great results in a movie, but in real life, it doesn't work. Even if she tells you what she'll be having, let her order her own food. We found out the hard way than when you order a woman's food, it makes her think that you're too controlling.
BE CAREFUL OF WHAT YOU SAY
You're a grown up, we know. But you still want to make sure that every other word you say isn't a swear word. Get a handle on your potty mouth before your date. Even if your date is fun and flirty, she may still be turned off if you seem to be cursing too much. A little bit of profanity never killed anyone, but keep it light.
Also, make sure that you don't go overboard with your flirting. You should definitely flirt with her, but don't throw too many suggestive comments or blatant innuendos at her. It may be cute the first time you do it, but even cute things can become annoying if she has to hear it too much.
These are just a few things that you should avoid while on a first date. The things you need to avoid typically depend on the woman that you're dating. However, we've found that these tips work for all women in general. Don't forget to use them, so that you can hit the second date mark with ease.
The post Things to Avoid on a First Date appeared first on.
Origin: pualib.blogspot.com
"Guest post by Nan S. Russell:"
The great recession and economic crisis have accelerated shifts in how people view their work and their leaders. Studies confirm what many see - no longer are title and authority the driving force behind results. Leader credibility is down and the trust deficit is up.
The post-recession workplace harbors a new reality for leaders. At a time when discretionary efforts and intellectual property are essential to drive innovation and organizational growth, those who are able to earn natural and enthusiastic followers will deliver the best results. But, doing that means operating with the right actions, not the right titles.
Successful contemporary leaders will need uncommon behaviors grounded in 5 essential skills to reignite staff engagement, enhance influence, and build lasting results:
1. OPERATING WITH TRUST. In a world where it's hard to differentiate a real photograph from one created by computer wizardry, and more people trust infomercials than organizational leaders, trust is the new workplace currency. Trustworthiness is now the number one quality people want in their leaders. But operating "with authentic trust" requires more than behavioral integrity, the alignment of words and actions. It also requires performance trust, self-trust, and relationship trust.
2. BECOMING AN INDEPENDENT THINKER. Bandwagon "solutions" for the ills troubling organizations or employees are often gobbled up by leaders and reinforced by trade and business publications featuring successful examples of the "new" thinking or approach. Yet complex problems plaguing most groups and businesses don't have bandwagon solutions. Successful leaders are not herd followers. They cultivate an active personal practice of curiosity, alternative perspectives, expanded sources, and challenging assumptions.
3. APPLYING DEPENDABLE POLITICS. Getting things done the "right way" is what it means to apply dependable politics at work. "Right" in this context implies operating with ethics, integrity, and a positive use of influence others can count on. It means building lasting relationships. To do that requires an understanding of healthy conflict and the power of stories, plus a consistent application of c's: collaborate, cooperate, consider, and contribute.
4. ENABLING TRANSITION AFTER CHANGE. Who would you follow? Someone having difficulty handling the constancy of change, or someone who practices and uses tradition tools to move themselves and others forward? Enabling transition requires choosing growth, even for change you did not choose, and reinventing yourself along the way. It also requires helping those you lead do the same. Transition follows change. Enabling it is an essential skill.
5. BEING SELF-AWARE. Authentic leadership yields natural followership. It springs from self-awareness, and understanding one's own thoughts and actions, and how they impact others. Too many pre-recession leaders have focused only on outer-work. That's the skills, knowledge, information, or know-how. Contemporary leaders must add inner work to their skill palette to increase self-awareness. Both are needed to be a leader others will enthusiastically give their best ideas, discretionary efforts, and great work to in today's world.
While basic productivity and job presence can be bought, contemporary leaders with uncommon behaviors, anchored in these 5 essential skills, will be the ones igniting staff engagement, fueling innovative products and services, enhancing customer impressions, and rebuilding a thriving economy, regardless of their titles.
"NAN S. RUSSELL is author of three books including her latest, The Titleless Leader (May 2012, Career Press); "www.thetitlelessleader.com" She is a former Vice President of a multibillion dollar company, a national speaker, and a blogger for Psychology Today on the topic: Trust: The New Workplace Currency. She holds a B.A. from Stanford University and a M.A. from the University of Michigan, both in psychology. More at "www.nanrussell.com". "
Ever said or done something that turned into a "not-so-you" embarrassing love moment?
We ALL have (and yes we're raising our hands here too)...
So, what exactly are we talking about when we use the terms "embarrassing" or "not-so-you" love moments?
It's a moment where you might normally be kind and loving but you say or do something that certainly doesn't come off that way...
It could be that you were harsh or critical about someone you love behind their back, they find out about it and then because you value your love (or friendship), you've got some explaining to do...
If you're a woman, it might be the way you say NO to his desires to have some fun in the bedroom when you might ordinarily say YES...
If you're a man, it could be a sudden "performance issue" in the bedroom...
It could be agreeing to do something you didn't really want to do (and getting upset about it later)...
You get the idea...
An embarrassing or "not-so-you" love moment could be anything where you're simply not acting or reacting in a way that would be the most loving, kind or connecting way or not the way things would normally be for you.
So, what do you do in moments like these to bring some sanity to situation that could lead to an even bigger mess or require some even fancier dancing to get out of?
Here are some very simple love ideas that we think you'll find helpful in many situations...
And while we're thinking about it--the tragedy for many women and men who come to us for our one-on-one "Relationship Reverse" love coaching by telephone and skype is that the sometimes VERY difficult situations they
find themselves in could have (in many cases) been avoided if they had done some of the things we're about to share with you earlier...
So here are a few pointers about how to deal with situations like this...
Reference: quick-pickup-rules.blogspot.com
Click to watch the video that corporate trainers and self-help gurus don't want you to see as I uncover the industry-insider secrets which kill people. Learn the myths and dangers of self-help. What is shared in the video is not revealed below.
Self-help is an industry full of lies, myths, and dangers. It's a community of experts and everyday consumers that have techniques and ways of living to heal anxiety, treat depression, and generally improve the quality of life.
Self-help is the act of improving yourself without reliance on others. It extends beyond motivation books and popular psychology to include other ways humans communicate. There's forums, everyday conversations, seminars, webinars, and books.
The term "self-help junkie" was coined to describe someone who attends seminars and buys many books, DVDs, and CDs on the subject. Junkies fuel the 8 billion dollar industry in America alone.
Self-help addicts are sometimes like heroin addicts jumping between experts wanting their next fix. The educational sources become a source of comfort and security to avoid what really is going on as the junkies intellectualize lessons and never build the learning only possible from action. This article reveals the dangers of self-help some gurus wish you didn't know and how it almost killed me.
THE TWO DANGERS OF SELF-HELP
Pennsylvania clinical psychologist Dr John Norcross says self-help can damage you in two ways. Both are costly, time-consuming, and energy-depleting.
The first general danger of self-help is the direct harm. This includes a misdiagnosis or ignorance of a declining condition. Think of it like a well-intended mother issuing aspirin to remove a headache when the cause is cancer.
The dangers are real except with personal development the issues are not physical, but often mental and emotional. Selection of the right material to cure is tricky. A wrong decision can leave you worse off.
There's a lot going in your mind and body unknown to you. You can know your body is sick because you have a headache and feel weak, but you could have one of hundreds of potential health problems originating from poor eating, harmful drinking, disease, and so forth. Similarly, we are unaware of the hidden operations in the mind. It takes a humble attitude of acceptance to respect a lack of mental and emotional control over your life.
It takes a humble attitude of acceptance to respect a lack of mental and emotional control over your life.
The second general danger of self-help according to Dr Norcross is the indirect harm. You exhaust your physical, mental, and emotional efforts on something unsuccessful so you beat yourself up over an inability to change. Once you believe you cannot change, rarely do you change.
Think of self-help like a Do-It-Yourself job at home. You can probably do good landscaping, fix doors, place flooring, and paint. Books, television shows, and a few friends provide you with good advice. However, you would not remove the home's foundations, redesign its shape, or relocate it by yourself. Attempts to solve unknown problems or create something entirely new leaves you frustrated believing it cannot be done. People try to redo their minds from the ground up then unfortunately fall short of what they want and believe failure is destiny.
HOW ONE SELF-HELP MYTH NEARLY ENDED MY LIFE
The empowerment given through self-help usually originates from improving how you think. The motto is "think better, live better".
Thoughts are powerful, yet they are not everything contrary to what is preached by advocates of the law of attraction. To think your universe can form from thoughts alone is absurd.
An overt focus on thoughts ignores the side therapists attend to: emotions. Our thoughts influence our emotions and vice-a-versa, yet the influence is limited. You cannot think your way to emotional healing. Thoughts and rationalizations are "safe". It is easy to intellectually process your problems and talk about them with complete emotional disconnect when you are afraid of vulnerability that reveals and heals your real self.
I'll prove how intellectualizing and thinking stops emotional wealth. Dr Steven Hayes, founder of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), who I had the pleasure to work with for "Big Talkers", has a nice technique. Give the label of "good" or "bad" to the follow emotions:
* Happiness
* Anger
* Guilt
* Joy
* Sadness
* Shame
Done? I'm guessing you labeled happiness and joy as "good" and anger, guilt, sadness, and shame as "bad". Let's analyze these labels. What if your mother died. Is sadness bad? What if you punched your child. Is guilt bad? When you put this into perspective, the thoughts you attach to "negative emotions" shift.
If you believe embarrassment is bad, you avoid embarrassing situations and never build the confident social life you want. You spend life running from what you don't want.
How do you respond when something is bad? You avoid bad things because they represent pain. If you believe anger is bad, you avoid your anger, feel resentful, misunderstand people, and struggle to manage conflict. If you believe embarrassment is bad, you avoid embarrassing situations and never build the confident social life you want. You spend life running from what you don't want.
I almost killed myself because of emotional avoidance. I lived in depression trying to avoid things like anger, shame, and embarrassment because these were "bad feelings". Not letting feelings flow and trying to manipulate them increased their strength. (Watch the video shared at the top of this article filmed in my backyard for the dark truth about me.)
Dr Hayes says we have a dangerous habit of problem-solving with our mind. You need to stop critiquing the experiences in you and just let them flow. Observe them as they occur to you instead of worrying and trying to fix them. This is groundbreaking material I won't go into further detail because it's all covered in the Big Talk Training Course and "Big Talkers", which I highly recommend you get if this article resonates with you.
Some self-help teachers encourage emotional expression. Students may practice poor expressions of anger and assertiveness, however, then kill themselves like Sydney resident Rebekah Lawrence. This is an extreme case. My point here is to make you value the messages sent by your emotions and acknowledge thoughts are not everything.
POSITIVE THINKING MYTH
Feeling down or thinking negatively? This self-help CD will cheer you up, but not in the way its creators intended.
Positive thinking is taught everywhere. Every mental health professional I've heard recommends positive thinking. I teach it as well. For example, assume friendship when approaching others for conversation. Think others are already your friend before you talk to them. This reduces anxiety, creates attractive body language, and makes talking easy. Positive thinking helps you better interact with people and them interact with you.
The danger with positive thinking that I see in many "pseudo-spiritual aka law of attraction" teachings is they take positive thinking beyond what psychologists believe is healthy. Dr Norcross says flamboyant claims are made.
Cancer, rape, and poor-wealth do not consistently originate from misaligned thoughts. Victims are made to feel they squandered their mind. They are blamed for environmental influences. Self-blame is unnecessary contrary to what self-help teaches because it perpetuates resistance and shame.
With excessive positive thinking you may go to exorbitant lengths to avoid a problem by looking for the easy way out.
Your entire life is not a product of your thinking. With excessive positive thinking you risk building a life that excludes reality. You may go to exorbitant lengths to avoid a problem by looking for the easy way out. Positiveness becomes escapism.
Your comfort zone can stagnate along with the quality of your life through avoidance. Carl Jung says your dark-side (what you want to avoid) - not the light-side you probably love to focus on - contains the gold you seek. I look back on my life and see the areas where I took a step of courage to breach my comfort zone, transformed me. Look at your life and you will see the moments you acted in the face of fear created the greatest results. That is the core of transforming your social life with "Big Talk" and my coaching.
SELF-DISCIPLINE MYTH
Along similar lines as the exaggerated power of thoughts is the undue emphasis on self-discipline. Discipline is made to be the secret of change. We all know self-control and courage is important to help you confront what you prefer to avoid because it pushes you outside your comfort zone. The self-discipline myth depends on the definition of discipline.
Scott Peck in "The Road Less Traveled" says, "With total discipline we can solve all problems." The more I think about the statement, the more I see its truth. Again, though, it depends on what is meant by "discipline".
When self-discipline is understood as willpower, self-discipline is overrated - even dangerous. I've heard many people express discouragement over their lack of discipline when it's understood as willpower. They think something is wrong with themselves because they cannot change a habit like wake up early or quit smoking. Eventually they believe change is impossible because they have insufficient "discipline". We're made to feel as low-value humans for our innate habitual patterns.
Humans are autonomous creatures, not creatures of willpower. Studies prove 90% or more of your behavior is habitual. We think we are in conscious control of our lives, but we have behavioral and thought patterns repeating day-after-day. Your patterns simply vary in order.
This is not to say habits are permanent, yet they require focused effort and systems to assist change. How you use your limited willpower determines if you alter unwanted autonomy, remove a bad habit, and create the life you want.
It is sad most people waste their limited willpower on resisting people, thoughts, and feelings. Accepting a problem puts you in the game to fix or at least live with the problem. Acceptance means you humbly acknowledge your limited willpower, the degree you influence the problem, and the time it takes to stop what you don't want and get what you do want.
WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON WITH SELF-HELP AND YOU?
Four Self-Help Myths
* "Myth": Eliminate negative thoughts. "Truth": Jennifer Borton in a study found people who attempt to abolish negative thoughts obsess about them. What you focus on expands.
* "Myth": Focus on the positive when you're down. "Truth": Harvard professor Daniel Wegner found our limited mental resources cannot maintain our positive mood when we're in the blues. Create a gratitude list beforehand so thinking is minimal.
* "Myth": Exterminate guilt. "Truth": Guilt like all emotions contain a message according to Dr Harriet Haberman. Let guilt lead you to forgiveness and positive change.
* "Myth": Vent anger. "Truth": Iowa State University researcher Brad Bushman found pillow-punching and lifting weights may intensify anger. Reduce anger by distracting yourself through a comedy show, for example, but solve the problem that made you angry otherwise it'll repeat itself.
Can you see the pattern of problems in most self-help? Thoughts are not everything, emotions are overlooked, positive thinking is taken too far, and self-discipline is overrated. There is a sinister amount of focus on intellectualizing. This is what drives the self-help junkie. Any self-help junkie will tell you he struggles to use what he knows.
Change can feel impossible by yourself. Years go by as you become a self-help junkie and question whether your dreams can become a reality. It's okay to seek assistance from a therapist, counselor, or expert in your problematic area. Someone cannot drive you to change, but you cannot change without a drive to change.
How then do thousands of people around the globe change their life? Ad Bergsma in the "Journal of Happiness Studies" questioned whether self-help books help. Bergsma says hope is often what makes self-improvement programs effective. The downside of hope is it leaves you vulnerable to exaggerated claims and an empty wallet.
This post is not intended to degrade anyone or self-help. Authors and bloggers do their best to help, yet intention is not all that is needed to affect change.
Naming all self-help books bad or good is like saying all team leaders are bad or good. It is narrow-minded.
You can work on yourself with great results. Self-help empowers you to improve your relationships, move ahead in your career, make friends, and enjoy life more. You create your reality instead of feeling what is, will always be.
Personal development is key to my continuing growth. Self-help is just one part of it. I encourage it to be yours as well. Be aware the dangers of self-help and its myths shared in this article otherwise you risk wasting time, money, and effort - and ultimately believe something is inherently wrong with you.
If you read this to feel better about yourself, that was not my intent. Be honest about what you are avoiding. See the little control you have over your autonomous behavior. Invest in courses for your personal growth. Accepting these lessons could be your first-step towards change - and yes, I am giving you hope because there is hope.
The post How Self-Help Almost Killed Me and is a Money-Sucking Scheme Hurting You appeared first on TowerOfPower.com.au.
OTHER ARTICLES THAT MIGHT HELP YOU
* Why Problem Solving Doesn't Solve the Problem and the Real Solution to Permanent Change
* The Only "Cure" for Social Anxiety Disorder and Achieving Social Freedom
* Neuro-Linguistic Programming Presuppositions - 12 Rules to Change Your Reality
* Why People Remain Quiet, Shy, and Non-Assertive: The Benefits of Passive Behavior and Communication
The Concubine's Daughter
by Pai Kit Fai
My rating: 2 of 5 stars
The Concubine's Daughter / 978-0-312-35521-0
I was excited about "The Concubine's Daughter" because the teaser write-up compared it to one of my favorite novels in recent memory, "Memoirs of a Geisha". Unfortunately, "The Concubine's Daughter" is not, in my opinion, anything like "Memoirs of a Geisha", and the best comparison I can offer is that it feels like a bare-bones, watered-down attempt at an Amy Tan novel.
"Memoirs of a Geisha", for all its faults, was populated by human beings, not caricatures. It was a realistic world, not a world of fantasy - where fathers sold their daughters, yes, but sold them because they would otherwise starve to death. Women were hateful and competitive towards each other, true, but with a good purpose and reason - they had been placed into a society where competition determined who lived and who died. In short, characters were complex and motives were ambiguous.
In "The Concubine's Daughter", however, there is no ambiguity and no shades of gray - characters are completely good or completely evil with no middle ground and, indeed, often without any reason. Within the first chapter, the scene is set - an aging, wealthy farmer has bought himself a fourth wife from a once-rich family. The qualities he desires in a wife are simple - he is a sadist and is attracted to the girl because her family and personal bearing are proud and haughty and he cannot wait to dominate and humiliate her in the bedroom. On their wedding night, he orders his other three wives to hold the girl down while he beats and rapes her, and he takes great pleasure in his attempts to "fill the "with sons".
When the hoped-for son turns out to be a daughter, he attempts to strangle the child and bury her in his field, as he has done with all his other daughters (except for the first one, who was brutally gang-raped and murdered at age 10, for no apparent reason except that the author must have had some kind of per-chapter 'rape quota'), and as "everyone else" in the village regularly does, and this deserves a closer look. I'm not Chinese and I've never even been to China, but I question the assertion that strangling all baby girls was just something that everyone in the village did, all the time. Even assuming that no one noticed that such a practice would mean no brides for the village sons when they came of age, even assuming that there wasn't a single sentimental father among the lot of them, it seems strange that a completely agrarian village of farmers would value females so little, when the bulk of the field work and all of the house work was being performed by the women of the house - after all, *someone* has to tend the fields while the master's sons are learning to read, and if not daughters, then who? There aren't any slaves to be seen, and servants have to be fed, clothed, and paid at least as much as children, so this "kill all girls" thing seems incredibly unlikely on a number of levels. I can certainly believe that some - perhaps most - of the baby girls would be murdered in a given society with certain dynamics, but to insist that *all* the men kill *all* the girls seems ridiculous and feels like further attempt on the part of the author to make all the men out to be evil demons rather than people, particularly when the "nice" men enter the novel and turn out to all rather suspiciously be at least partly European in birth.
The reason I compare "The Concubine's Daughter" to an amateurish attempt at an Amy Tan knockoff is that all the prerequisites are there: a multi-generational tale of mothers and daughters, covered with a strong layer of oppression from society in general and sadistic men in particular. The women are rarely better than the men - they mostly hate each other with very little reason, and beat children for fun. The first story feels lifted from "The Joy Luck Club" - the daughter's life and position are secured by a well-timed suicide by her mother, coupled with a strong dash of superstition from the patriarch of the family and a desire to avoid a life-long curse. All the raw emotion and interesting characters have been stripped out, though, and events rarely seem to make much sense, such as having a young girl persistently trapped in sexual slavery in a brothel and yet always managing to remain a virgin, which is a common "have my cake and eat it too" mistake with authors. Also here is the cardinal sin of the precocious fairy child that is more civilized, wise, and grown-up than her age and circumstances would allow - five year old girls who spend their entire life locked in a small shed do not tidy house and sweep the corners, let alone know how to speak or interact with people - how could they?
I really can't recommend this novel as providing any kind of deep insight into the culture it is claiming to portray.
NOTE: This review is based on a free Advance Review Copy of this book provided through Amazon Vine.
~ Ana Mardoll
View all my reviews
