HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
Edited by Christine Godwin, Ben Rubenstein, Jack Herrick, Axiom and 126 others"44ArticleEditDiscussSometimes relationships can seem like a lot of work until you sit back and realize just how much you've being given. A thriving, healthy relationship is absolutely within your reach if you and your partner are willing to do a bit of work. Here's how to start nurturing your bond.
EDITSTEPS
PART ONE: THINGS YOU MUST DO INDEPENDENTLY
* 1TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS.Save yourself several hours of arguing by remembering this one rule: it's not up to anyone else to make you happy. Sure, you can choose to be in a relationship with this person and derive joy and happiness from it, but it's not your partner's responsibility to dig you out of a pit every day.
* Change your mindset. Don't expect that being in a relationship will solve all your problems - it won't. Instead of expecting it to make you totally happy, choose it as something that contributes to your happiness in addition to other choices, such as hobbies, friends, family members, your job, and so on.
* Recognize depression. If you find that you're consistently unhappy with almost everything in your life and you don't feel like it's something you can change yourself, seek professional help. Depression can severely strain a relationship, and unless your partner's a trained psychiatrist, you can't expect him or her to fix it.
* 2MAKE GOOD ON YOUR WORDS. Follow through on your promises. When you say you're going to do something, do it. Don't say that you'll cook dinner, or get a birthday present, and then blow it off or simply forget about it. What this does is systematically destroy trust. And relationships need trust in order to thrive.
* 3ADMIT YOUR MISTAKES. If you know you've done something to hurt your partner, intentionally or not, own up to it. Humble yourself and apologize sincerely, without making excuses or justifications like "I'm sorry you made me angry."
* Commit to changing your behavior. If you notice yourself apologizing for the same mistake over and over, step it up a level. Tell your partner that you recognize this mistake keeps happening, and you want to train yourself to stop. Request help and ask for him or her to gently point it out to you when you're making this mistake again.
* 4BE REALISTIC. Every relationship has disagreements and days when staying isn't the easiest choice. But what makes a relationship healthy is choosing to resolve those problems and push through the hard days, instead of just letting issues and resentment fester.
* Review your expectations. Do you see your partner as a person, with both winning qualities and flaws, or as someone you expect to be perfect? If your expectations are so astronomical that no one could live up to them 100% of the time, you're setting up your relationship for failure.
* Accept that conflict happens. If you expect to be in a long-term relationship, you're bound to have the occasional disagreement. Remember that one argument isn't the end of everything, and there's no person on earth that you'd agree with all the time.
* Always ask yourself whether you're better off in the relationship than out of it. If you don't think you're better off in the relationship, then you probably should have a serious discussion with your partner. In a loving relationship, this question almost always gets a simple "Yes."
* 5LISTEN TO YOUR PARTNER. Sometimes, all your partner wants is for you to lend an ear and be sympathetic about one of their problems. Other times, your partner wants you to actively give them advice. Know which one your partner is looking for, and try to give them what they want. Being a good listener is all about paying attention to what they're saying and not blowing it off.
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* Listening to your partner will enhance your relationship in many ways. It will help you resolve differences without arguing; let you explore each other's personality more deeply; and even help you pick out an awesome Christmas present. There are no downsides to listening.
* 6SHOW YOUR AFFECTION IN WHATEVER WAY YOU CAN. There's a difference between knowing"that you're loved and "feeling" that you're loved. Sometimes, we bank on the fact that our partners should know that we love them even when we don't show it. Don't rely on this too much. The best relationships use affection to "show" love.
* Do something for your partner that you know s/he will truly appreciate. Whether it means getting up early to mow the lawn, taking the kids to karate, or baking thatnutella shortcake, it's often the little favors that say the most.
* Don't be afraid to show physical affection every once in a while. Loving relationships feed off of the little kisses, hugs, and back-rubs that are mainstays of affection.
* Do the unexpected. It's one thing to kiss your partner after you come home from work; it's another thing to kiss your wife while you're skydiving, falling 10,000 feet from a plane. It's the thought that counts, so put a little effort into it for huge returns.
* 7BE LOYAL. Make sure he/she knows that you will always be there for him/her. Put him/her first in your life as much as you possibly can. Not that you have to only see him/her ever, or never talk to anyone else, but he/she should know that he/she can always count on you if he/she needs something. Also, expect the same loyalty from him/her. You deserve to feel prized in the relationship just as much as him/her.
* 8DO NOT EVER HIDE ANYTHING FROM HIM/HER. Especially your feelings about him/her and your relationship - whether good or bad! This way you will be able to overcome all the difficulties and challenges together. If something bad happened in your past that still affects you in the present, he/she needs to know about it. Note: you are not obligated to tell him/her about your sexual history, and he/she should not care about this unless it`s a ridiculously high number.
* 9GIVE HIM/HER SOME SPACE. Everyone needs their own privacy and some freedom, so don't constantly watch everything he/she does.Everyone hates to be watched, stifled and controlled.
* Do not ever spy on him/her (reading his/her phone, stalking him/her on social networks, following him/her around). If he/she is cheating on you, you will find out. These things cannot be kept secret for very long. But if you spy on him/her and he/she is innocent, you will lose his trust and respect forever.
* On the other hand, too much freedom might make him/her do whatever he/she wants, whenever he/she wants. It's true that he/she deserves freedom, but always let him/her know that there are limits and that certain lines that cannot be crossed.
* 10EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS TOWARDS HIM/HER. Always remind him/her of how much he means to you, and what he/she represents to you. Women are not the only ones who need expressions of love and care, men need that too.
* If you have a problem, you need to let him/her know - preferably in a clear and calm manner without any yelling. If he says `Are you OK?` and you answer yes, do not expect him to understand that you really meant no. Be honest and open.
* Let him/her know it is safe to open up to you about what he is feeling. Reward his/her trust in you by sympathizing with him/her and, but you don`t need to say much,just listen.
* Don't be afraid to lose him/her or spend every minute fearing the huge pain that that might cause you. Enjoy each wonderful moment as it happens, and realize that there will never be another one just like it.
* Never be pathetic and needy just to make him/her pay attention to you and give you sympathy.
* A solid relationship should be based on mutual respect; if you are constantly trying to pull him/her down with you, this means you don`t respect him /her enough to want him/her to be happy. If you are depressed, see a doctor - don`t pull some guy/girl into your problems.
* 11ENCOURAGE HIM/HER. So that he/she can be more successful at work or study. That will make him/her realise how much you care about his/her future and wish that he/she'd become one of the best. It will also make his/her feeling towards you grow even stronger, and he/she will believe that you're ready to support him/her on anything he/she does.
PART TWO: THINGS THAT YOU MUST DO TOGETHER
* 1REVIVE DATE-NIGHT. Going on dates, even if you've been in a relationship for years, is still important. In fact, it's especially important for couples who have been together long enough to grow comfortable. Try to go on a date at least once every month. Some couples make it a priority to go on one date every week.
* If you're having trouble imagining date ideas, try recreating a date you had with your partner early on in your courtship. Do exactly the same thing(s), or put a spin on the date by reinventing it in a significant way.
* Do something NEW and EXCITING. Doing something that gets your blood flowing and your heart rate up enhances feelings of togetherness between partners. If you're feeling brave, go on dates that makes you feel like a kid all over again: going to a comedy club, taking a cooking class, or test-driving a new car, to name only a few.
* 2PRACTICE FORGIVENESS. Forgiveness is a decision of letting go of the past and focusing on the present. It's about taking control of your current situation, as you must offer it to your partner as much as you demand it from them.
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* Remember who forgiveness really benefits. Forgiving your partner absolves him or her, but it also frees you from carrying around anger and resentment. Don't view it as an entirely altruistic act - it's something you're doing for both" of you.
* 3LAUGH TOGETHER. Laugh at one another with the security of love. Laughter helps the world go 'round, and it may with your relationship, too. Laughter helps your body burn calories, increase blood flow, strengthen the immune system, and lowers blood sugar levels.Laughter can be comforting, infectious, or an aphrodisiac, and many things in between. Don't forget to laugh.
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* 4SUPPORT EACH OTHER. Being supportive means making your partner's happiness and well-being a priority, in ways big and small. Keep in mind that part of why you're together in the first place is that you're each other's biggest fans, so make sure you act like it. Try demonstrating your support in these ways:
* Be a good listener. If your partner needs you to lend an ear, do it willingly. You don't always need to come up with a solution, just support.
* Offer encouragement. If your partner is trying to make a positive change, start a new hobby, or undertake a difficult challenge, be his or her biggest cheerleader.
* Provide a safe place. Allow your partner to be vulnerable in front of you without fear of judgment.
* 5DEVOTE TIME TO EACH OTHER. Make spending time with your partner a priority, even if it's a little inconvenient at first. Relationships need shared experiences to grow, and you're demonstrating that nurturing yours is important to you.
* Take up a hobby. Learning something new together can help you grow closer, as well as discovering a leisure activity you both enjoy. Try sports like tennis or basketball, learning a new language, cooking, crafting, or whatever else you've been wanting to try.
* Find small ways to serve each other. Doing small acts of service for your partner shows that you're aware of what he or she needs, and you're willing to help out. It doesn't have to be an extravagant gesture: make dinner, take care of a small errand, or offer a foot rub at the end of the day. Don't make it a big deal, and don't automatically expect payback.
* 6DEVELOP BETTER COMMUNICATION. Most people aren't born great communicators - it's something nearly everyone has to work at. The way you talk to your partner might seem small, but you do it several times a day and it does" have an effect. Consider these fixes:
* Don't use directive language. Try to keep phrases like "you should" or "you can't" out of your relationship. You and your partner are equals, and neither one of you should have the authority to direct the other.
* Relay your expectations. If you expect your partner to do something, say it. Don't expect that he or she should read your mind, and don't rely on hints. Being clear about what you want gives your partner a fair shot at succeeding. (And keep the above point in mind: instead of "You should take the garbage out every day," say "I'd really like it if you took the garbage out every day.")
* Say "please" and "thank you." You should be able to let loose around your partner, so there's no need to worry about having impeccable manners all the time. The exception to this is asking nicely and expressing gratitude when your partner does something - don't just assume he or she knows how you meant it.
* Fight fair. Don't just let all these good communication skills go out the window during an argument. Try to get your point across in a loving, respectful way that doesn't seek to hurt your partner. If he or she insists on yelling or throwing insults, quietly request a calmer attitude.
EDITTIPS
* Take care of yourself. Treating yourself with respect and love is as important as respecting and loving your partner.
* Avoid flirting with others, especially previous partners. Doing so may spur romantic feelings for another.
* All good relationships are based upon mutual respect. If you do not feel respect for your partner, or believe your partner is losing respect for you, then consider ways of rebuilding it immediately. Respect is the key. If you have true respect for one another, then nothing can go wrong. You have to learn respect, sometimes it can take a while to achieve this, but if they love you it will come.
* Strike while the iron is cold. Know when to be reflective and invoke principles. When the house is burning is no time to teach fire safety principles.
* Know when to say no, and know when time and space are actually constructive tools.
* Ask questions, clarify, and don't assume. Do not talk if your mind is not clear or is full of anger. When you feel hurt, do not say "it's your fault / you never loved me" or "let's break up" or "when do you want to break up?". You might well regret it one day. Tell him or her you feel hurt, and ask for clarification first, if you don't work together and just blame, it can only do harm. Never just withdraw, as this always causes more harm than good.
* Comfort each other when needed.
* Allow your partner to WANT to love you. Don't pressure them into buying this and that, kissing you at this time etc Your partner has to want to do these things. It makes things more real and less of you feeling like you're forcing them to love you.
* Never lie, it always comes back and hurts you one day! Even if its small and useless, allways be honest!
* Don't assume the worst or doubt him/her. It's all about trust.
* Never cheat, if you are in a long term relationship with someone you love, it is never worth it and these things will always resurface.
* Trying to control a situation or person will only leave you feeling out of control. Relax and let things happen organically.
EDITWARNINGS
* If your partner is scaring you, trying to control you, or deliberately hurting you (physically or emotionally), seek help immediately. Abusive behavior is not your fault. In a healthy relationship, partners need to work together to make each other happy; you should never have to work just to keep your partner from making you miserable. Call the National (US) Domestic Violence Hotline is at 1-800-799-7233, or visit http://www.thehotline.org/.
EDITRELATED WIKIHOWS
* How to Know if You Are in a Parasitic Relationship
* How to Identify if You Are in an Abusive Relationship
* How to Maintain a Healthy Open Relationship
* How to Figure out if Your Online Relationship Is Healthy
* How to Be Truthful to Your Partner
* How to Maintain Good Relations with Your Roommate
EDITSOURCES AND CITATIONS
* ^ http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/give-your-body-boost-with-laughter
ARTICLE INFO
Featured ArticleCategories: Featured Articles Maintaining RelationshipsRecent edits by: Frostmaker84, Ranjithfs1, BiblioManiaIn other languages
Espa~nol: Como tener una relaci'on saludable con tu pareja, Portugu^es: Como Ter um Relacionamento Saud'avel
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