The Endgame

Most of the posts on this blog are about how to initiate an interaction, but I'm finding lately that the hardest part is in knowing how to end it. Also, it's important to know when you've lost the game: when he's in control of the interaction and things are not going the way you want them to. Most of the time this is when you wanted him to take your number and call you the next day for a date, but instead he's feeding you tonnes of drinks in the effort to take you home. You realize you want different things, and now you need an exit. I spend a lot of time in bars and clubs. A lot. A huge part of what I do for a living includes taking clients out, and then my single girl activities also includes a lot of going out. It's a big part of my life, and I see a lot of girls just doing it wrong. I get it. I've lost my purse, got separated from my friends, went home with a guy after way too much, and even walked home alone when I couldn't get a cab. I've been there. I've been you. But let's talk for a couple minutes about a couple of things female PUAs can do to stay in control out there. Listen, we all know the basic rules here: don't go to club alone (who would even do that anyways?), don't lose sight of your drink, and don't walk home hammered in the dark at 2am. I'm not going to lecture you on things your mom already told you. There are however, ways that guys can get sneaky, enter the grey area of consent, and take a lot of control from you. That's called losing the game, and I don't like to lose.

THE CONVERSATION STOPPER Even if it's 3am and the ugly lights are about to go on, you still need to be in control of a situation. A PUA doesn't stop running plays when the drinks start flowing. In fact, it's in controlling how much you have and what happens next that is the real trick. A guy will try to get you really drunk so he can talk you into anything. It's the oldest trick in the book! You need to always be able to walk away. In fact, I often do just for fun. I've talked to you about how to start conversations. Here's an example of a conversation stopper:2am guy: want to get out of here?

you: How about we play a little game? Do you like games?

2amG: Sure

You: If you can guess the colour of my undies then yes, we can get out of here (I once asked a guy if he could remember my name. That was funny)

2amG: (makes some stupid guess)

You: Give me your phone. (you take his phone, throw your number in there) You've guessed wrong, but I never back down from a game. Why don't you give me a call tomorrow and we'll play again. (keep eye contact here. It's the end of the night, and he thinks you're going home with him. Body language is key here to let him know you're in your right mind and it's not happening.)

SETTING UP THE RULESRule 1: My girls and I have a subtle cue that lets each other know that things are not going well. If a guy is good, he's separated you from the herd already, but always circle back just to check if your girl is okay. Agree before you walk into a club that a conversation always happened privately between you and your girls before anyone leave with someone. This means you have to physically walk away from the guy, chat with your ladies, then make the choice to go back. Rule 2: I have a personal rule that a guy gets to buy me only two drinks. The first is an introduction and he gets to the second one only if there is a connection. Then I normally give him my number and rejoin my girls or in very special cases, I'll buy a round of bottled water and keep chatting. The point of pick up artistry is not to get free drinks. Many Female PUAs won't even let a guy buy them a drink. It's sets up a non-verbal power play in their favour right off the bat.

THE TAKE A HINTSometimes you need to abruptly end a conversation because a guy can't take no for an answer. This happens more than I like to admit, especially for PUAs just starting out. It all comes back to power here. Biologically, men are wired to want control. Add alcohol, and a lot of the social inhibitions we've put in place go right out the window. Be aware that some guys get too aggressive. Ladies, if you feel you can't walk away, the game is lost and you need to stop things entirely in order to walk away. Trust your spidey senses. If mine are going off, here's what I do:When I'm talking to a guy and being flirty, I create a certain kind of energy between us. If I feel like I'm losing control of a situation and need to shut it down, I simply cut all that energy off. This can be done with a verbal cue, but that can create conflict. The most effective method is to start controlling your body language. I cross my arms and legs, lean back, cease eye contact, and eventually turn away all while maintaining some form of conversation. If the guy doesn't take a hint, you can bet people around you will pick up on it. (There should always be people around you).

Be safe out there ladies. I'll see you on the dance floor.

Origin: quickpua.blogspot.com