Psychology High Functioning Sociopath

Let me tell you about me, my history, and thr problem i am facing.

I am a young adult female. My history was begging for some kind of mental disorder. My mother has a history of being institutionalised, depression, multiple ppersonalities, etc. I was born as a tool for money and nothing more. I was not loved or nurtured. I fell in love with psychology at a very young age as a way to understand my mother and, come to find out, other people. Manipulating people came way too easy for me. First family, beating my mothrr at her own game, then others to get what i wanted.

When my grandmother died i went through the motions, but i was okay. Seeing her put in the ground made me cry. But then it was over and it didnt stop me from making lies and wise tails about it later.

That was the mental state of my childhood. As an adult i finally recognized i had a problem (i assume in the realm if sociopathy). rather than fix it i chose to embrace it. I didnt need anyone in my life. though i am gay, spent most of my time manipulating men. Im very attractive so that was easy.

But i met someone who saw past me and my walls. A woman i tried to run from but she was not going anywhere. We got married not too long ago.

Since i have been with her my neurotic behaviour has improved a lot. I am working hard to be a normal person but love does not come easy for me. I find myself lying about little things so i dont lie about anything big to her. But to other people not much has changed. I dont sympathize well and i hurt her feelings a lot because i dont think before i speak, i just go off.

I have improved a lot. But nothing is gone. Im not sure what i can do to eliminate my sociopathic behaviour. I feel out if place. When I talk to her family i have to sympathize and carry on a real conversation and that just isnt me.

But i can be myself with my SO. I just wish i was a better, more nurturing version of myself. Any opinions, suggestions, thoughts on how i am, why i am the way i am, or how i can change?

I assume indifference was a defense mechanism against my childhood, but now i wonder if it is just my nature.

Statistics: Posted by hmimcclellan - Thu Feb 12, 2015 5:01 pm